Beginner's Guide to Rage Faces

I feel that it is necessary to introduce you into the world of rage faces. Whether or not you know what these are, here is a quick rundown on the information you'll need to succeed in the world of rage faces:

1). History of the Rages
First of all, not all rage faces are used to express rage. They usually expose some sort of relatable truth or story. Some are, but most are not. These cuddly little internet icons originated in the 4chan and reddit forums. Usually they are drawn in shoddy programs like paint, but are used effectively to get the point across. The very first meme (definition: an internet image or video that is commonly passed around as basically an inside joke for everyone) was a four panel comic with a simple meaning. Here's a prime example:

The FFFFUUUUU guy began it all. Now, the weird creepy dude is another common face, the troll face, and we will get to that. For the record, knowing about these rage faces is a common thing for nerds on the internet, which is probably 150% why I know about it. 

2) Some Common Faces:

There are many faces that show up in a large portion of the comics. They are usually simple and used as lead ins for the punch line. Take a look:

These are basically all used for main or supporting characters. Going down the line, the interpretation of faces should be pretty easy. Excited, blank, puzzled, focused. There are others like them that display basic emotions. Then there are some more involved faces:

A few more varieties for your emotional needs! The first picture usually goes with a caption that reads, "Everything went better than expected." Then, in order, it goes confident, defeated, pleased in a sense that it could have gone wrong, and finally a face that basically says, "All of my expectations are in the toilet." And last, there are the ones that may not be as obvious, but are quite necessary for what quite possibly be the best comics:

The LOL face, the OMG WHAT face, the forever alone face, I'm a Boss face, WTF am I looking at face, and the troll face. Possibly the most recognizable face is the troll face, which is a symbol of a person playing a trick on another. However, trick is a very relative term...



So basically it's just making fun of someone.

AND 3) Terminology:
You'd think that artwork this rudimentary would not need a new vocabulary to understand it. Really you don't, but there are some words that appear often that may not make sense.



Le. It is just an introductory word. Pretty sure it's French for The, but most of the time that doesn't even make sense.

Also, Derp and Herp. Don't know what to call your friends or place of business in your comic? Replace half the name with Herp or Derp. Derpo Bell? Herpina? All of the above.

Really, I don't have a life.

Guilt Stereos

*Breaking News*

It seems that I may have guilted my mother into buying me a stereo. This was not my intention with my other post; I swear that it was all in jest and I never actually thought about getting a stereo. So you can understand my surprise when I came home from Best Buy yesterday as a new owner of a $200 Sony Hi-Fi Sound System. 

$150 of that money went towards the remote.

We began the day by shopping for me at various other stores getting homecoming stuff. I may have stolen a flower, but nobody knows that, right? After spending, what, $54 dollars on earrings and flowers for my hair, Renae was not satisfied. Oh no, she had only begun to spend life savings on little Terah. (Note: This is an exaggeration. What more than likely happened is that she felt bad and caved, as she is wont to do. Don't tell her I said that. Hi mom.) She told me while looking around at jewelry that she'd buy me a $10 necklace even if my new stereo would be more than $60. Thankfully I declined the necklace, because I ended up with a system that was a little bit, and only a little bit, over $60. After getting home from the mall, she told me we could go to Best Buy to get an iPod dock. Not a stereo or an entire sound system. At this point, sub woofer isn't even in her vocabulary. (Is it in yours?) We get to the Store Formally Known As the Sound of Music (aka Best Buy, look it up) and go back to the section we need. Immediately we check the $650 system off our list, because it only holds 10 CDs and that's just cheap. 

This holds more than 10 CDs. And it's only 25 cents per song! What a bargain!

Literally nothing in this section was below $100, so obviously I went for over double the original offer. Between two Sony machines, I had to pick the one that was more expensive by $40. The $159 system only had 320 watts. I can only raise the roof of one house with that amount of soundage. I had to choose the $200, 540 watt, sub woofer including powerhouse, so that I could hold roofs of all sizes up to the heavens if I so please.

Even though it only holds one CD.

Lost in a Not Really That Big City... Again.

Pittsburgh is a relatively small city. Navigation in it is really only hindered by one way streets, and yet these played absolutely no part in our confusion last night. For a total of 120 minutes, we were traveling to and from Joe Mama's, a restaurant in Oakland. For a whopping 80 minutes of that total time, we were lost and/or utterly confused. Now, there are two ways to look at that. There's the positive view: "Oh, we only got lost twice!" And there's the negative view: "We have no idea which way is left." Positive in this case is extremely subjective. Interestingly enough, we were late to our destination. 


We needed to go straight on a ramp to get to Forbes, and Josh thought it would be fun apparently to take a 20 minute longer detour into Squirrel Hill. His reasoning after the ordeal was to expose us to some 'culture,' but other than a higher Jewish population, and the feeling of helplessness and imminent death, it really wasn't too different than anywhere else. So we veer into a random lane in a tiny car, bumping to dubstep, with cars all around. 

"I don't know if this is left or right. I really don't get it."

Obviously in need of divine intervention to get back to civilization, we call his dad. He gives us directions, and we listen intently, but yet somehow we don't hear a word he says. It went from having an idea shortly after we hung up, to later hoping we were still in Pennsylvania. After getting out of Squirrel Hill and making it to Oakland, we took a shot in the dark, and, surprisingly, got lost. We took some turns and found the place just so we could park a half mile away. Though we made it into the restaurant without going astray or getting into a knife fight. Inside, we made friends with an old black man and a younger but still old black man. I don't know if this is normal in the city but if it is, I need to go more often.

It was a little bit like this, x2.

No we did not talk to either one of them at all. I don't know their names or ages or favorite colors. I do know that one of them had a preference for the color blue but I cannot tell if that is his favorite. Even though there was absolutely no communication from either of them, somehow we had forged a bond. Maybe it was the fact that after being lost for an hour, I felt it necessary to make something useful out of my time on this Earth. I know that I changed these two mens' lives. 

Upon leaving Joe Mama's, or Joe Mam's as the neon sign said, we filtered out of the building back to our parking spot 20,000 leagues into the city. Got into the car, and, literally five seconds after turning it on, realized that we had no idea where we were going. We made a left (or was it a right?) and sped off into the depths of a city we knew nothing about. Needless to say, we were traveling in the wrong direction. Not wanting to call Josh's dad again, I called a friend who attends Pitt. He heard our plea, and, probably felt bad for us. He helped us get out of the city after another bout of being completely lost. So thank you, Chris. However, Chris hasn't seemed right to me since...

Maybe he's been left?

Procrastination Chronicles: Chapter 1

This is just a random piece of information while I'm procrastinating: My bus driver has no ulterior motive while driving other than seeing how fast she can go in 30 feet before she has to halt to a stop. I do not understand this process other than the fact that it cannot be gas efficient.

"You don't know this yet, but your head will be crashing into the seat in front of you in approximately 2 minutes!"

Also, this lady likes to play a little game called Death Via Speed Bump, in which she catapults children in the back of the bus as high as she can by going over speed bumps at well over the recommended speed. If the speed limit is 15, Alice is probably going 30, just to make this game more fun. I suppose there is a ranking between the other bus drivers. Maybe a fantasy league and some DVSB brackets at the Bus HQ. At the rate Alice is going, she has to be in first, and if not, I'd almost be insulted for her. 

Realistically though, there has not been one single bus driver in my 13 years of public schooling that has been a rational operator of vehicles. One thought the yellow thing on wheels was a type of airplane, apparently, and one clearly thought that going as fast as the speed limit or being in a 50 foot radius of other cars was punishable by firing squad. 

This picture was taken moments before the driver had a panic attack because of reaching the cursed speed of 21 miles per hour.

As if the bus driver would be the worst part of riding the torture chamber also known as the bus, alas, no. It doesn't fail that there is at least one absolute nut on your bus. And these types always seem to sit right by you, so you can hear them muttering to themselves about the allergies to snow that are currently afflicting them. A certain word or phrase can set them off into a rant or a song, most likely. 

Girl with the beef jerky: "DID SOMEONE SAY COMPLIMENTARY ANGLES?"

Good thing I drive to school most of the time. I hate having to burst into Nicki Minaj lyrics every time someone says, "Peanut butter and jelly Uncrustables."

What I Wanted For My Birthday

Here's a simple list of things that I wanted for my birthday. I got none of them, but it's the thought that counts. I suppose that the simple thought of these beautiful items is not the same as the real thing though, but please, try to explain that to my Mom. If you'd like to know how the gift giving portion of my day of birth was spent, it went a little bit like this:


Mom: "So what do you want for your birthday?"


I can't say I was very surprised. But the fact that I got actually nothing is worse than getting, say, a rock. A candy bar. A dollar. In fact, I would have taken the candy bar as coming out ahead. Hit me up with a Reeses and I'll forget the fact that you only got me a Reeses.


1) A Stereo For My Room
What it is: Logitech X 540 5.1 Stereo

A beautifully crafted piece of listening equipment solely for giving your ears a party. I want it to sit in my room with all the speakers pointed at me so I can listen to my music without caring and/or hearing anyone else. Why are the neighbors yelling at me? They want me to turn the music up. 


Why I didn't get it: Neither Renae nor Steve asked what I want
Until, of course, 6:00 on my birthday. So I never got the chance to tell them that this would be a nice gift on my 18th. I guess the 100+ price tag is also a bit ... ahem... modest. But please, what are they gonna do with that money instead? Unless it is going in the Bear-Fighting Fund of Bethel Park or towards either of my other presents, I really don't see the big deal.


2) A Laptop
What it is: Literally any laptop, even this 27 Pound MacBook Brick

While I don't particularly want this heavy machinery, really any laptop will do. If I can pretend to be a DJ, artist, or know-it-all on the thing, I would have used it. How else am I going to watch videos of Justin Bieber, make fun of his fans in the comments, and secretly love him at the same time, in the comfort of my bedroom? All I'm asking is that I have a simple, safe place to recede into a lifetime of eating and exercising only by getting up to go to the bathroom. If that.
Why I didn't get it: Why I didn't get the monstrosity you see before you is probably because they would only be able to get it into my house by knocking out the back wall of my residence and then gently setting it onto the floor, which would then gracefully give out. But why I didn't get any laptop at all is beyond me. Maybe my parents think I should only start my slow decent into 400-poundery after college, instead of before. It is no secret that I want a laptop; somehow though this knowledge transformed into getting me a rundown desktop with the OS Windows 2000. If you do not have the privilege of knowing what Windows 2000 is about, it's basically designed to give you the worst experience on a computer that you can imagine.


3) A New Phone
What it is: Verizon Cell Phone

It is pretty self explanatory. It is a phone that is not the one that I currently own and operate. My device now does about half the things that it is supposed to. I could have even gotten the same model of phone; I love the Alias 2. A droid would be much appreciated, as would many of the other models currently offered.
Why I didn't get it: I guess Renae has not yet realized through my many complaints that I actually want a new phone. Me saying that the keyboard does not light up anymore and that the plastic is coming apart is apparently hindering the transfer of words from my mouth to her ears.


What I Got Instead:
Nothing. A question, followed by a 4 hour band festival indoors and preceded by 5 hours of Standardized Testing.
Happy Birthday to me.

Judgement From Barnes & Noble

*Originally Posted 9-22-11*

It was a sunny day in Bethel Park on Thursday, September Something-th 2011. It was the first week of school and I was walking to my aforementioned truck, ready to race home and do homework. HA! I am totally kidding. I don't race home. I hopped into my truck, who, still needs a name, and popped in my Muse CD, the only CD I have that is worth playing, since my Nickelback CD has gone mysteriously missing. I listened to Muse while sitting there, already knowing I was too late to beat the buses out of the parking lot. Tyler Cunningham approached me, wildly complaining about a late sister and her friend. While he waited for his little sibling, we chatted about the awesome debate we had in government that day. (Mr. Miller 7th pd!) After probably 15 minutes of catching up over the summer and talking about the different views of some classmates, we decided to venture onward to Starbucks to continue the discussion. Tyler took his sister and friend home, and I sat in the parking lot of Barnes and Noble and jammed to more Muse. Only sixteen people passed my large and currently loud truck as I sat in that parking lot, and I consider that getting off easy. Old people squinted into my truck to ascertain what kind of teenage rebel scum was playing such loud music in a public place. God forbid! (Whoops, I'm sorry. I mean Ganesha forbid!) Middle-aged women with children rolled their eyes, which to me, means that they wish they were me instead of holding onto a whiny money-sucker who probably doesn't even like reading anyway.

 I bet she doesn't even know how to read the word 'blockhead.'' 

Strangely enough, I was a little against these harshly negative feelings. Next time, I am going to blast Josh Groban or the soundtrack to any of the 8 Harry Potter movies. I decided to go in and read one of the magazines on the stand until Ty arrived, so I texted him. Done with being judged for the day, I told him, "Until you get here, I will be reading horrible fashion magazines and quietly judging people." And that is exactly what I did. I sat through about 50 pages of endless Kate Middleton fashion ideas, all of which did not apply to me, for I am not a wife to any heirs of any thrones. And it was my turn to make fun of the old people who had just turned their noses up at me moments before. I doubt any of them even make good chocolate chip cookies.

Musical Auditions

*Originally Posted 9-21-11 Part 2* 

Another anecdote: Tonight I had my musical auditions. I mean, I only want to be in the chorus, so I don't technically have to try, but I only say that because I know I can't get a part. I'm over it. Besides the fact that my voice gets crackly when I speak loudly, I can't sing in a chest voice to save my life. So it went pretty much as I figured it would: I practice. Oh wow, I'm not even that bad. I'm sure I could get a part if i nailed it and then did my speaking lines perfectly. At least a callback. For sure. I go into the actual audition. *misses every note in the widely popular and very-difficult-to-mess-up song White Christmas* And from that moment forward... I figured I would stick to checking reddit.com every two hours and playing Pokemon with my level 60 Squirtle. I need to stick to that which I am good. AKA Me like computer and game.  

On the way home from this audition and a side trip to my friend Josh's house, I stopped at a gas station. For what, you ask? If the answer was not already obvious enough... gas. I went to get gas. However, this trip for imported oil made for my Chevy Colorado was a special time for me. I had never gone to get gas all by myself. I know that getting it is not a difficult task, but mind you, I had just massacred the traditional Christmas song that is played every year on end. Now, what's that you say? Why would I, a person who will be turning 18 in two weeks and has been driving for over two years be just getting gas for the first time? Well, person who seems to know a little bit too much about me, I always let my mom drive the van when it was running low. I was one of them. Now that I have my own vehicle, that is no such option. Long story short, I pumped this gasoline like an absolute boss. I got back into my car and realized something... I had not put my gas cap back on, or closed the gas tank lid. Now I may be many things. But I am NOT the kind of person who drives down the road like a moron with my gas cap open letting all the gas in my car fly free back to its gas country to have the gas life it once enjoyed. I shut those two very necessary lids and drove off, only losing a little bit of dignity because of the trucker on the other side who was silently judging me.

Squirrels

*Originally Posted 9-21-11 Part 1*

I once ate a piece of squirrel. It was on a retreat for a youth group where we all went to this hick town in the middle of nowhere in the winter. While it was an interesting experience, I do not plan on doing that again. 

SINCE this is such a big point of confusion, the squirrel WAS cooked, and it was on the menu of the place we were staying. The leader of the youth group, Chuck, got the squirrel and shared it with everyone in the house. Again, I do not plan on having that again.

If you must know, I don't even remember half the trip. I was hyped up on adrenaline from winning too many games of Password, that little electronic game that you pass around and guess the word. And I maybe had one too many oreos, because I maybe had eaten the entire box. Not my problem. I remember going back to the cabin as the curfew approached, still bouncing around on sugar and winning. I was in a room of approximately eight girls, with two bunk beds. Needless to say, there was much sneaking out to pass letters along to the boys' cabin. I know this may come as a surprise, but boys like girls and girls like boys, even on youth group retreats in the middle of nowhere.